I have thought about my childhood and I came to the realization that in some ways I feel that I am an adult but I am not completely there yet. I suppose any twenty six year old would be in the same boat. My family was not religious or had many traditions so our rite of passage was a little more under the radar than most. I can recall when I got my driver’s license my mom and dad had a long drawn out talk about responsibility and adult regulations, and I think that was when my life went from a narrow “what fun thing am I gonna do today” view of the world, to “oh my god there are more people than just me that my life affects”, mentality. Suddenly I had a car that needed the gas tank filled, the oil changed, the windows cleaned, and I had to be the one to do that. That was not even the scariest part; I came to the grim realization that I had to pay for these things. Soon after receiving my license I joined the working class. Driving myself began a chain reaction, or really a flood of adulthood. One instant I was playing hide and go seek and the other I was flipping pizzas and filling gas tanks. My rite of passage was not just the single moment of driving, but more of maintaining this privilege by holding a job and keeping good grades. My family recognizes the passing of the baton from childhood to adulthood and they begin to ask more of me as well.
My family still treats me as if I were just a little younger than I am, though, because I am the youngest of the children. My mom mostly, I think because if I stay young in her eyes than she doesn’t worry about me as much. It can be frustrating at times because I would like to be treated as I were an equal and I do not get that respect. Graduating college is the final step into complete adulthood in my family. Marriage and a family is important, but in my parent’s eyes, none of those could or should be accomplished without a degree. That idea has been instilled in all of us children so we believe that that idea holds true. I would like to believe that I am an adult, but for now I enjoy my youth and I realize that I do have responsibility, but I still have a lot of growing up to do and there will be a time in my life where I really feel like I have completely stepped into adulthood. I hope that I am prepared when that moment comes.

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In my twenty five years of life I don’t think that I have ever had to stress as much as I have the last 7 years. When you’re a child your parents are there for you giving you what you need through life and trying to raise you right. I was never in trouble as a kid and most of the time I was always on my toes with my chores and other things. I did find out soon enough after I met my husband that he was the man I wanted to spend my life with. I was young but not stupid. My life had lead in a direction that required me to skip my child hood and take on adult responsibilities. I don’t regret that my mom needed me after my dad died. My husband soon proposed and we were married, it was at that point that I realized I had grown up and my own adult responsibilities had started. Through the years I have been through marital issues with my husband ranging from not talking to getting a divorce and it is all over money. When you grow up the more responsibilities you take on the more money it requires. Four years after our marriage my daughter was conceived and my mind was spinning not only was I trying to feed and clothe myself and husband but now I had a beautiful baby on the way that needed just as much if not more and I was scared out of my mind. In the end however I had a great job and was able to take care of everything we needed. Things have been great since then.

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Sometimes things happen for a reason but why is it that the reason has to be so hurtful? I started watching a new show called the Good Wife. Very interesting considering our politics is actually that way during this time period. I really do not think I heard anything about political cheating until President Clinton’s infidelities were publicized. Why is it that the wife decided to stay with the husband after allegations and proven infidelity happened? Why can’t every wife be like the good wife and leave? Just slap the crap out of them and get on with their life? I know people say this is easier said than done and that a wife should stand by their man but at what price, should their life be turned upside down because their husband has done something very tragic to them? If I was in their shoes I would have to stop myself from wondering how to take my husband off this planet without getting caught. I have always wondered what fuels a man to leave a good woman. Why not just get a divorce? Why cheat? I would much rather divorce my husband because he cannot be honestly faithful than to be embarrassed by the infidelity that comes with a lying husband. In the end it isn’t a place that I would want to be, and unlike the political wives I do not want my family issues continuously aired out across America.

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    My sister and her husband are already having marital issues after getting married this weekend. Unfortunately the lover’s quarrel has already started. The very first fight is over her being gone longer than he thought she should be. I remember those days however I don’t remember my husband getting that way until a month or so after we had been married and he was never that way when it comes to my family. That is exactly what she was doing visiting us and picking up my niece. Really how long do you expect someone to be gone when you live in Snyder and your family lives in Lubbock? He called over five times in the thirty minutes that she was here and wanted to know why she wasn’t on the road yet. It was at the moment he told her he was going over to a friends to drink that I realized maybe this wasn’t so great after all. I am really hoping that things work out but with a rocky start like that it isn’t sounding to great. I don’t remember my husband being a jerk like that but I do remember him being jealous. Its strange how when you are married young you are both so insecure that things seem like large problems. After they have been together for eight years then maybe they will be like me and my husband when neither of us cares what the other is doing because there is trust between us.

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Another day another marriage woe. I really don’t understand how having dinner and laundry done by the time the husband gets home tells them we have been busy all day.  So as you can tell I didn’t have dinner done tonight and I didn’t have laundry done. My husband was more upset over dinner than anything else. He just looked at me like I hadn’t done anything all day but let me tell you the two year old that continuously runs around my legs keeps me more busy than any job that you could ever imagine. So he acts as though I have done nothing all day. I can’t handle the huffing and puffing so I send him to the store for diapers. During the mean time I start dinner, and to his surprise we are having breakfast for dinner. Ham and eggs it is. When he gets back from getting the diapers I have dinner started. Why is it that when you finally decide to do something then they look at you and say you didn’t have to do that. Really? I thought that is what you wanted was to do is cook dinner. I swear I’m so tired of husbands I could literally make mine sleep on the couch tonight. I hope that he soon learns that being a tay at home mom and wife isnt as fun and easy as he thinks. It wasnt because I wanted to stay home he thought it would be good while I was pregnant. Geeze men.

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Officials working for the Bauchi State Agency for the Control of AIDS, Tuberculosis and Malaria (BACATMA) are hoping to bring down the soaring percentage of Nigerians infected with HIV by implementing a “positive marriage” program that will be offered to individuals who are HIV positive. The goal is to encourage marriage and monogamy between Nigerians who have the AIDS virus in order to try and limit the number of people who will become exposed to the disease. The BACATMA is offering counseling for couples with HIV and cash on the day of their wedding in order to try and give the couple the best chance they can get of staying together. The BACATMA is also offering employment within the agency to those who have gone ahead with a “positive marriage”. By offering all of these services, to help keep HIV positive couple together, they will reduce the spread of the disease. The program also helps HIV-positive individual meet other HIV-positive people in hope of some of them finding love and coupling up. The program helps those afflicted with HIV find hope and become a closer part of their community. While there are several opinions out there on this type of program, I believe it is a good idea. If nothing else, it is at least a positive program that can help those with HIV to not feel alienated from their communities. The argument can be made that This program will only work to bring more HIV positive children in to the world. While it is true that HIV can spread from mother to infant, it is not always the case. Besides, if an HIV positive man is monogamous with his wife, as opposed to having sex with multiple partners, the number of infected individuals is still lower.

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There was a show on MTV today that followed around couples who were in long distance relationships and trying to make them work. Well, they don’t. Yeah yeah, I’m harsh, but in my own opinion they are not plausible. Sure, you can force it, fight all the time, and maybe when you finally get back in a face to face relationship there can be something small yet salvageable left, but who wants to do that? The only people that are involved in these relationship are those in their early to mid twenties. When you are that age, don’t you want to be exploring the minds of those around you, and in doing that create and mold yourself into the person you want to be? Or do you want to be on your phone or Skype all day long with someone as miserable as you “talking” about what you did that day? Now, don’t get discouraged if you feel like you know exactly what you’re talking about. I think short time frames apart can be dealt with. Like, if you and the person have been together for a long time, and they want to go abroad for a semester. Go, have fun, miss each other like crazy, absence makes the heart grow fonder. But, if the time you are going to be spending apart is longer than the actually relationship you have been in, then come on. It’s just going to strain what connection you have. Break up, grow up, and then when they come back see where you are in your lives. Sometimes, maybe you’ll be right together in your growing and you can continue your relationship peacefully. Sometimes, you’ve gown apart, and that is the way it should be. But pressuring it to continue for a lengthy amount of time a far distance apart will be strenuous for all involved, and may completely end what relationship you had to where it can no longer even be a friendship. Rough, but true. At least in my opinion.

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I don’t know about anyone reading this, but I will probably never get married again. I’ve been married twice now and both marriages were miserable. The second one moreso than the first. My first marriage is the one that I had my kids in. Life was ok sometimes, but my ex and I just didn’t get along all that well. We both had different tastes. I love tattoos, piercings, beer, and sex. She was just plain and hated everything I liked. The only thing we really agreed on was the type of music that we listened to. Now don’t get me wrong, she is definately NOT a bad person by any means. She’s a great person. It’s just that we were NOT meant to be together.

My second wife, that was a different story. That psycho has issues. She is completely mental. Constantly on different medications and then when she decides she’s better, she quits taking the meds. We would fight, every single day, and that is not an exaggeration at all. It was every single day. Not one day without a fight. It was even worse when she was drinking. Now, we would fight and I would go over to my friend’s house and drink a few beers, just to get away and relax. Guess what she would do. She would go to her ex-boyfriend’s house and have a little sex. She would tell me that “sex” was her “beer”. Rather than going out and getting drunk, she would just go fuck somone. Ummmm, is there something wrong with this? Every word of this is true.

I don’t know, it’s kinda ruined me for marriage again.

In Maine for the last four moths it has been legal for same sex marriage. I didn’t know anything about this going on, which also shows how much of a shit I give. Some people in Maine obviously care a hell of a lot more about it than me though, because they are trying to stop the law from sticking around. Tons of people are sided on this, arguing until they can’t breathe. I, on the other hand, will sit back and let them waste their time. Sure, I have lots of opinions on things that matter. Having this be legal will not change a single thing about the life I live personally. But it will change the lives of tons of others out there who want to be legally married to the one they love. Why would anyone really want to stop that? I can see both sides, that’s why I just sit back and watch. It’s not like them being married would hurt anyone, but then again, what does a legal marriage change in a relationship if you really love someone? Who care if it’s legal. You can still live together, sleep together, hell, you can even put some wedding rings on. Ooo Devil’s advocate against myself. Everyone is sitting around wasting their time fighting about it isn’t doing anything good for anyone. So, just let them get married if they want. Then, let them get divorced like half of married couples do. Gender doesn’t matter when it comes to love and war. But, I’ll sit here and wait to see what happens. I’m indifferent. And it feels good.

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Does marriage counseling really work? I just don’t understand how someone else can really help such a strained situation. I’m sure there are thousands of cases where counseling has proved to help relationships but how many of those “fixed” relationships fall apart again somewhere down the line? I’m sure quite a few. If, as a couple, you decide to go to marriage counseling, you first and foremost have to have a positive attitude. I don’t believe you can get very far without it. If you go in thinking it’s never going to work then it never will but if you’re seeking therapy in the first place, don’t you think you’re mind might already be there? How do you get back to thoughts of hope and wanting to try? I personally believe that once you cross that line of no return, nothing will ever be the same. You know the line I’m talking about… where you lose all self control and are comfortable with yelling and cutting each other down. It’s horrible, but the truth. No matter how wonderfully you might fix things, as soon as something worth arguing about comes up, it’s going to go right back to the unacceptable behavior on both ends. I just want to know if a relationship can be permanently fixed. I don’t believe it can, but I’m not a psychologist. I’m just a young woman wanting some answers to questions she’s never going to get because in the end, only you can make the decision.

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