It seems like the only time the news has something positive to tell us is around the holidays. While I appreciate the break from the constant stream of murder, death, war, thievery, and deceit, I wish the good stories would come around a little more often. I refuse to believe that humanity participates in more acts of violence everyday than acts of kindness. I realize that random acts of kindness are easy to overlook and usually not as dramatic as the bad stuff, but they are out there. It would be cool to hear just a few positive stories for every cluster of negativity they show us. I think it would be money well spent for a news station to hire a person who’s job is to go forth and bring back heart warming goo for us to listen to. The station could just wrap up the broadcast with a high note every night. Or at least have a good story ticker under all the other bad tickers on the screen. It doesn’t even have to be anything sappy, mushy, warm, fuzzy or sweet, just positive. Like how Texas has one of the lowest unemployment rates in the nation. That’s good news right? Or how New Mexico’s rate of accidents by drunk drivers as dropped in the past few years. All I’m lookin for is a few more pats on the back for America on a daily basis, not just during the holiday season. I actually don’t watch the news all that often, but every time I do, it’s negative. I’m just suggesting a new negative to positive ratio.

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I went to high school in a really small town, so it was like everyone always knew everyone, and always knew what was going on. So, it felt more safe than I would think a regular city would be. Anywhere I went in town there was going to be someone there that knew me, knew my parents or grandparents, or knew my brother or sister. Sometimes, this was a cool thing. I would be somewhere and meet someone new who had known my grandpa back in the day, and they would tell me some stories about them or how they knew each other. Sometimes, I would meet someone who went to high school with my dad because he went to high school there as well. You never really feel like you don’t know anyone where ever you go in my home town. So, it can have its perks being in a small town. But then, there are definitely the bad points. Like, no matter what you do, your parents are going to hear about it. Little things, like if my friends and I make a trip to Wal-Mart, someone is going to see us there and then my parents will hear about it. Not that like is something bad, it can just get annoying at times. Or if someone has news they want to share, as soon as someone else finds it out they can ruin it for you. My sister had just told us she was pregnant a week or so before, and hadn’t told anyone, and someone cam up to my mom and said Congratulations to her. If for some reason my mom didn’t know yet, that would have ruined my sister’s surprise. So, small towns are good and bad in different ways, but I’m just used to that way of life.

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It’s always been said that women should begin getting their mammograms once they are forty and make sure that they are getting them once a year. By doing this, women are able to have the screenings help in detecting abnormalities and catch if anything is wrong before it might be too late. I can assume that this screening costs a bit of money, but I don’t think that really matters when it comes to saving someone’s life. This standard has been set for years by doctors and professionals all around. So, the sudden change of heart from experts saying that women should wait until they are 50 is surprising. These “experts” are claiming at not enough lives are saved by requiring the mammogram, so we shouldn’t deal with them. Do you think the women out there who got their tests done when they were 40 and found cancer agree? How can someone say that a few lives saved aren’t enough? It’s just people being stingy with money, as usual. Women who get the tests and face the common false-positive screening end up costing their insurance a lot of money in other screenings, biopsies, etc., and they don’t want to “waste their money” anymore. Ugh, people are sick. I guess some lives just aren’t worth that much when saving money comes into the picture.

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Okay, some Somalian pirates attacked and hijacked a chemical tanker with a North Korean crew aboard. They’ve turned the ship around and are now headed the other way, holding the entire crew as hostages. Woah. And, just yesterday, some pirates released a 36 person crew from a ship they had hijacked and held hostage for 6 weeks. They had been holding them hostage the entire time, and claim to have gotten over three million dollars to let them go. Some pirates attacked an American ship yesterday that they had already attacked and taken over just seven months ago, but they weren’t successful. And, now, a British couple is believe to be held captive in waters after being missing for awhile. So, all this news is coming out, and I’m sitting here just wondering… what the hell? This is what the news is about today? Pirates still exist? Why would you want to steal a chemical vessel? I can’t believe pirates are making the news on CNN. It’s time to retire, pirates, and stop being dicks and stealing other peoples’ boats for money. Go look for a map with an X on it and find some gold, or take care of your parrot and wooden legs. They’re estimating well over three hundred pirate hijacks and attacks for 2008, and claiming that this year has been much worse. That’s about a pirate hijack a day. I can’t believe this, I guess I need to google pirate hijackings and news more often if I want to know what’s going on in my world.
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So, about 25 years ago a man goes into work as a parking lot attendant in London at a zoo. Everyday, the man charges the customers $1.50 to park in the lot, plus around $7 dollars for buses to park. He gives them the little ticket and they go off, find a spot, and have a fun day at the zoo. Everyday, the man goes to work, never missing his shift. Then, suddenly, one day he doesn’t show up. The zoo is a bit confused, because, well, ya know this man worked for the city and was sent by them to work there and they didn’t really know him that well. So, they give a call to the city council to see what they should do about getting another attendant send to them. The city says they don’t have any say over the zoo’s parking lot and that finding a parking attendant will be their responsibility. The zoo claims that the man they’ve had working there for 25 years was working for the city. The city says that he was never on their payroll. After all this arguing, the zoo finally understood what was going on: that man was a fucking genius. Decided to have his own ticket booth installed at the zoo, told them he workded for the city, and pocketed all the money. They averaged that he was collecting around $560 dollars a day from the customers, which, after working there for 25 years, come to over 7 million bucks. This is awesome. I am going to try and do this in random parking lots in Dallas because I know some of those places charge. Maybe, I will make county road drivers suddenly have to pay toll prices. I don’t know, but I wish I had come up with something like this. Amazing!

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Just cruising around on the internet and it is IMPOSSIBLE to not read scandal celebrity stories. Fergie’s husband John Duhamel is being accused of cheating on her with a stripper. That sounds pretty common among celebrity couples, but for a split second I thought about being in her position. Everyday I’d have random ass holes following me around, trying to get an embarrasing picture of me or some kind of dirt to publish and let everyone read. Then, let’s say my husband does decide to cheat on me with a stripper. If that doesn’t suck enough, I then have to deal with the entire planet finding out about it as well and be constantly reminded of it everywhere I go by the ass holes who published it in the first place. Everyone has their secrets in a relationship, and the majority of us have the luxury of keeping them that way. But, for her, everyone knows. If she did know before hand, and decided to forgive him and get on with their lives, it’s impossible now. In a normal situation, maybe she didn’t want her parents to know what he had done because of the added stress. She didn’t tell any of her friends that she was cheated on because she was embarrassed and knew that they’d hate him for ever. It’s easier to forgive and forget things when you don’t have constant friend and family reminders that maybe you shouldn’t. Now, let’s say someone goes and tells your parents, and then multiply that by an infinity. Entire family, all your friends, everyone you’ve ever met, and everyone you never have. Shit. Being a celebrity would totally suck, other than the money.

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Last year sometime, Chris Brown decided that it would be a good idea to beat up his famous girlfriend Rihanna. Fucking idiot. I really don’t follow either of their music that closely, but I know just from hearing about them all the time on TV and on the internet I have come to the simple conclusion that she is hot and he is a douche. He beat her face up pretty bad, I saw some pictures that came out and it wasn’t pretty. So, recently she came out with some new music, was featured in a few new songs with other artists, and most recently a single that came out that everyone supposedly loves. Her new cd is going to be coming out later this month. And him? He’s staging his “come back” here soon. Not even able to sell a thousand tickets is pretty pitiful when compared to the twenty thousand plus he used to tell out. Which, of course, makes me happy. Why the hell would he expect any better? I’m kind of pissed at those out there who are actually purchasing the tickets, unless it’s just in hopes that they can beat his ass at some point during the night. He’s a real dick, and I hope he ends up losing money with this come back tour. And then retires at the ripe age of 20. For Rihanna, release your music, your CD’s, and do your interviews on TV about what happened to you and him. Chris Brown, go to counseling and stop trying to be famous, please.

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Over Labor Day weekend a woman in Florida went missing, leaving behind a note to her husband that said she had been kidnapped and for him to keep his call phone on him. Four days later she was returned. Instead of being thrilled for her being safe, police are saying that the woman staged the kidnapping her a lover of hers to get money from her husband for them. Now, the story is a he said she said deal, where the woman and her lawyers are claiming she is mentally unstable and the kidnapper took advantage of her, while the man still claims they were having a relationship. I think the woman is full of shit. There is a 90 minute recording of the two of them making love and talking about taking the money from her husband. He has a key to her house that she gave him and knows the security code to get in. Pleading the old mental instability case is bull shit and I’m pretty sick of people trying to take advantage of it. The sad part is that it works most of the time. She knew what she was doing, he knew what he was doing, and they should both be in jail for it. The worst part is that her naïve husband is sticking by her side and believing all the bull shit she and her lawyers are putting down. She just tried to steal 50 grand from you man, come on! Legal system please do me a favor and send them both to jail for a decent amount of time for being so fucked up.

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I think Google maps is amazing. It gives turn by turn directions to anywhere you need to go, tells you how long it will take to get there, gives you options of which route to take, it does it all. But for some reason, google decided that it would invent a city and add it to their maps… that doesn’t exist. The city of Argleton can be Googled and you can get imaginary information about it, such as restaurants, dating websites with people who live there, and doctors that have a practice in the city. There have been several confused people who live in the area and know there is no city in the coordinates. Some people have gone as far as walking to the exact place where Google claims this city is and making sure there really isn’t something there they’ve missed. No one can explain what is going on, and claim that these mistakes are rare. But… how did it even happen? How did Google just make up the name and all this information about a city that never has existed? Kind of creepy to me… seems like something is off in the world of Google. Maybe it’s the underground work station of Google.com and they accidentally added their secret city to the map, and are now scared that someone has figured it out so they are denying any involvement? Maybe, some idiot that works for Google was bored and decided to invent a city and see how long it took for anyone to notice it wasn’t even there? Who knows. What I don’t understand is that this has been going on for several hours now and they still haven’t gone in there and fixed it. Lazy Google.

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I was messing around on wikipedia and came across a list that was called the “List of Unusual Deaths”. I’m having a hard time deciding whether or not it would be cool to be on this list. Sure, you’re already dead and all, but some of these sound really bad. But then, for the rest of your life, when people go around trying to gross each other out with horrible death stories or are searching on the internet, like me, they will be able to read your story and know your name and what happened to you. FOREVER. It will be, “Did you hear how (My name here) DIED? It was so awful!” for ever. But, to get to be the famous horrible death person, you have to die horribly. And then, you’re dead, so you don’t even get to live in any of the fame. So, for me, if I’m doing to die I’m going to die, go ahead and make a cool story out of it. Like, in 1814, 323,000 gallons of beer were spilled into the streets of London, killing 9 people. Drowning sounds shitty, but drowning in beer? That for some reason sounds kind of cool. Or this one guy Worth Bingham who was driving in his convertible was killed by his own surf board because he accidentally hit a parked car with it and it swung around and killed him. Killed by a surf board? Pretty strange. Eh, I think I’ll just go in my sleep. That’s kind of cool, doing what I love.

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